When it comes to feats of alcohol consumption prowess the Russians have few equals. Drinking is practically a necessity for those who have lived in the former Soviet Union, now Russian republic because let’s face it – it’s a miserable shithole of a place, most women are as ugly as hell and there’s not much to do during those long, bleak winters other than swill vodka. So today’s bizarre tale comes all the way from deep in the Urals where the loser of a drunken penis measuring contest chopped off the winner’s dick with an ax.

The Daily Mail reports that “Sore loser: Russian man chops off his friend’s genitals with an axe after coming second in competition to see who had the largest penis”:

A 52-year-old Russian man has been detained after using an axe to sever his friend’s penis, say police.

The two villagers had been arguing about the size of their manhoods during a drinking session in the Urals region on Bashkortostan.

After embarking on a penis-measuring competition, the ‘loser’ was so enraged that he attacked his 47-year-old friend with the axe.

The elder man grabbed the axe and his his friend over the head with it, before chopping off the man’s penis, it was alleged.

A police spokesman said: ‘Over two days the men were binge drinking, which led to a violent argument.

‘When words were exhausted, the attacker pulled out an axe and first struck the opponent on the head, then cut off his manhood.’

Neighbour called the emergency services after hearing the man’s pained screams.

Reports said it was the man judged to have the smaller genitals who wielded the axe.

The men have known each other since childhood and live in the village of Nikolsk. They were not named.

The older man has been charged with inflicting a ‘grave injury’ on his friend.

He faces up to eight years in jail if convicted.

This cringe-inducing story should be definitive proof that stupid shit doesn’t only happen here in America.